Today I am back to suffering. To remembering that the condition of being human is to suffer. I’m not a nihilist, but I am a realist.

We spend so much of our time trying to be happier. The drive to be happy is important; it keeps us shifting our reality in new ways. To not grow and change when our spirit tells us is to induce more suffering, so in that way suffering is a great friend.

The problematic part is what I am dubbing “suffering erasure.” We strive to erase suffering because it doesn’t feel good, and when we do, ironically we cause ourselves to suffer more.

In our attempt to eliminate struggle, we erase our humanity. The nature of life is to feel. The nature of life is that the human condition is one of difficulty, and when we deny ourselves that truth, we become less human. We also push our sadness down and harden ourselves towards life. This leads us to become bitter and resentful.

Suffering is a part of the human condition, and especially in the world we live in now. There’s so many problems in the world, we want to make a difference, but also most of us are just trying to make it through the day. We’re trying to keep doctors appointments, pay our bills, and get to the grocery store. We’re trying to get our kids to bed, feed them and ourselves, fill out forms and save our passwords, and speak to an actual human on the phone about the fact that there’s an unknown charge on our credit card. There are literally a million things to do all the time. It never ends and sometimes it just really sucks.

Once we understand that the reality we live in (especially here in the U.S.) is not designed to nurture human life, we can get rid of unfair self-blame when we feel we’re falling short in the whole Life Department. I’m not saying you should blame the world for your problems. But I do think, once you accept that the system we live in is an ill one, more space can be freed up for self-compassion. Recognizing that you’re doing your best in a toxic reality makes your suffering less about your shortcomings.

But pack to personal suffering. You will not be able to erase your suffering. The more you try to rid yourself of it, the deeper it digs its heels in. A better way to approach suffering is to welcome its presence in your life. To recognize where you’ve been hurt, to listen, to embrace yourself, and to normalize your suffering. To notice yourself when you’re in a tough moment, and to be able to say, “Ya know Self, you’re hurting. And I love you, and I give you self-compassion. I choose to love myself throughout my suffering.” This is suffering acceptance.

Once you do this, solutions are more easily found. And best of all, you will spend less energy trying to “rid” yourself of suffering–an impossibility. Once you accept that suffering is part of the human equation, you spend less of your energy fighting it, and leave more room for peace. Peace is the acceptance of suffering and the willingness to see yourself through it, and to choose living in the present as fully and lovingly as possible. To do things that bring you joy and pleasure despite your suffering.

Tarot tells us a lot about suffering. No card is more iconic of suffering than the Three of Swords. That’s why I love tarot so much. It’s not going to tell you life is only rainbows and unicorns (although sometimes it is that!). Its wisdom is that of the universal truths we share. That of immense beauty and joy, but also struggle and pain.

Three of Swords is the iconic breakup card, but I think of it as so much more. It is the reminder that our hurts are sacred, that they are a testament to the power of our lived realities, and that they teach us something about what matters to us. Here we find solutions.

So, the next time you see this card in a reading, think more warmly of it. Think of it as the superpower of feeling, which has a lot to teach you about what you need, but also the nature of suffering. In this acceptance you will find peace.