What a fallacy control is. I was raised to believe that if you worked hard and were a good person, life would reward you. It was also instilled in me that you had the power to change your life and control your path.
While I do believe we have free will and choice, the reality is that life is unfair. Bad things happen even if you try your best to be an upstanding human.
The other reality is that life throws you curves, bends, and twists that trip you up.
We don’t have complete control. The expectation that we should is toxic.
I call this the burden of individual greatness.
The burden of individual greatness keeps us frozen, fawning, and unable to make choices that require compromise. Because let’s be real: life requires a ton of compromise.
I turned to the tarot to see what the cards say about control.
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The Wheel of Fortune (from the Colorful Tears Tarot) says life is a wheel turning up and down, bringing both good and bad. The wheel always spins forward regardless of where you are in that cycle. Through the Wheel, the tarot teaches that nothing lasts forever. When drawn as advice, the Wheel of Fortune encourages you to let go of control, widen your perspective, and consider new possibilities. It also reminds you to hold on through the wilds of life – all things eventually change.
The Moon (from the Rider Waite Smith tarot) shows a gateway into the unknown. The foreignness of that landscape evokes the moon’s surface; we are out of our element and in a realm unknown. The Moon card often appears when you have to adventure out of your safety zone. While this card usually has a psychological element (working through Shadow aspects), the practical advice offered by this card is to do what you know is right, even if it’s terrifying.
The Hanged Man (from the Rider Waite Smith tarot) shows a figure suspended and crowned with a halo. This card reminds us that inaction is still an action; sometimes, it’s best to wait, watch, and let the road unfold without trying to force its direction. I am not suggesting you stand in complacency; the Hanged Man often appears when you are in the middle of a cycle and need to accept that. A more spiritual read on this card encourages you to surrender your concern for wealth and security in favor of enlightenment.
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You can draw out any of these cards when you need to work with their energies. I have a mini altar beside my computer where I often place cards I’m working with.
Another great exercise is to draw out cards representing what you want to control, why you’ve lost control, and how to move into the mentality of surrender.
Letting go of the need to control everything is an excellent lesson in self-compassion. You are doing your best, and that’s enough.